If it wasn't for this man, this site wouldn't exist.
NEW YORK - It can easily be said that one of the brightest constellations of talent as seen through the lens of MSNBC primary season coverage has been the quartet of Kristen Welker (Clinton campaign), Katy Tur (Trump campaign), Kasie Hunt (Sanders campaign) and Hallie Jackson (Cruz campaign).
These astoundingly resilient and tenacious reporters have been amazing us with their poise and journalistic abilities for the past several months. Each one has a special superpower that needs to be recognized and celebrated. The first recipient of our praise (and sympathy) is Hallie Jackson who had to endure the campaign of Ted Cruz. She is essentially a necromancer for her ability to raise cogent facts from a long dead campaign as it shambled into Indiana. We cringe at the probability she had to dodge her fair share of dislodged tonsil stones when interviewing Cruz. All this should earn her a generous bonus and a course of Cipro.
It's hard not to buy into the idea that each reporter has been chosen to be an avatar representing the type of campaign they're covering. This is no more true than it is with Kasie Hunt. A youthful and enthusiastic voice covering the vibrant and raucous Sanders campaign. If she wasn't covering Bernie, you could see her on his team in charge of the 18-25 demo. Her superpower in all of this has been her malleability and objectivity as the Sanders campaign becomes a cranky petulant version of it's late winter self. Plus, she's our first pick for the Viva Chuck Todd softball team.
The superpower of self-confidence and vibranium balls goes to Kristen Welker for covering the listing battleship that is the Clinton campaign. Just the fact that this woman gracefully conceals the fact she knows that however this whole election is going to end, it ain't going to be pretty. The general election run-up is brutal any year, but this one is going to be especially bad considering what is going to be thrown. Episodes like what happened in Albuquerque are not going to be outliers and she has seen enough of this circus to know we're all far from the finish line even if Philadelphia doesn't stink of tear gas in late July.
Rounding out this group of journalists is the indomitable Katy Tur, who follows one of the horsemen of the apocalypse around the country. To that point, let's do a cursory rundown of whom she's had to tolerate aside from the racist fetid yam known as Donald Trump: Roy Cohn cosplayer and Campaign Manager Cory Lewandowski, former National Political Director and professional cooler Rick Wiley, Succubus Katrina Pierson and Cadillac Regional Sales Manager, Paul Manafort. Just enduring this collection of proto-humans and their cologne enables her to hold her own with Richard Engel when one-upping each other about covering war zones. Seriously, if this woman does not have a concealed carry permit and a switchblade we would be shocked.
And let us not be remiss in mentioning Steve Kornacki along with these ladies. Kornacki is transforming into a rockstar in his own right. 2020 is going to be his year along with a few other covered here. But when juxtaposed with these ladies, he makes a fine Bosley to their angels.
WASHINGTON DC - What a difference eight years makes. When we left these offices so long ago, Chuck Todd was Senior White House Correspondent, David Gregory was fast-tracked to be the new host of Meet The Press and President Bush was just getting the hang of his new acrylic paint set.
Today, Chuck Todd sits in the chair his revered mentor and friend, Tim Russert, held for 17 years. He wears it well. This was no more apparent than during Sunday's interview with presumptive Democratic nominee for President, Former Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton.
It pretty much went down like this: Chuck was commanding yet respectful; charming yet professional. His questions went to the obvious points of Bernie Sanders sweeping the ice for Donald Trump's curling stone. She laughed it off and referenced the bar fight that was 2008 with Senator Obama. Chuck tried a new tack and she batted it off when she masterfully got in the shot that she might've even won the popular vote in 2008, but laid down arms because the pledge delegate math was incontrovertible. He tried one more time and you got the feeling that somewhere before Sanders is out of this, he's going to hear from her the paraphrased, "Senator, I served with Barack Obama. I know Barack Obama. Barack Obama is a friend of mine. Senator, you're no Barack Obama."
The inevitable Trump questions came. The former Secretary took them with the patience of someone who has to frequently deal with bailing out a drunk sibling. The best line (as well as wicked facial tell) was the subtext within her reminder that she worked with former House Majority Leader, Tom "The Hammer" Delay to reform adoption and foster care which is essentially saying, "I know bloviating assholes Chuck, I've got this."
Then keeping with the theme, Mark Cuban was on next.
DALLAS - An unsolicited union endorsement came quickly for billionaire Mark Cuban after his appearance on the May 22nd episode of Meet The Press. The relatively unknown, but powerful Mortuary Cosmetologist Union put their weight behind the Shark Tank investor after he stated that he would welcome an invitation from former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton to join her on the ticket.
It was in his interview with Chuck Todd, where the man who likes to pee with trophies, expounded on the political landscape from his proto-Trump perspective. According to an unnamed source in the union hierarchy, it wasn't so much his positions or his three-year old Ralph Lauren polo shirt purchased at the Corsicana Outlets that hooked them, but the way his skin beautifully absorbed makeup like a dead Buster Keaton and the abnormally relaxed facial muscles.
Union spokesperson Sebastian Muerte, expanded on the unusual announcement that Cuban would be the first candidate ever endorsed by their organization. "He just had that look about him that spoke to me and my fellow cosmeticians." stated Muerte, "In the end, we found his grasp of the issues very similar to that of most of our clients."
HAT TIP: "Was the guy sleeping on the steam grate outside 30 Rock already booked?" - Charles P. Pierce ~ ESQUIRE
Congratulations are in order for The Beltway's most dapper man of letters, MSNBC contributor and Washington Post Pulitzer Prize winning columnist, Jonathan Capehart. He recently became engaged to U.S. State Department, Assistant Chief of Protocol/Diplomatic Partnerships, Nick Schmit.
In true Capehart style, he proposed to Nick while on their Amalfi Coast Roman holiday in writing accompanied by a sublime Cartier ring. Forever putting the proposal bar too high for mortals like us to ever clear.
Auguri ai novelli fidanzati!
NEW YORK - Ghosting his meteoric rise in popularity, MSNBC political correspondent, Jacob Soberoff is now dealing with the sordid byproduct of his scorching Millennial hotness and small-town approachability. Amazon recently released the sales figures for the exploding category of Jacob Soberoff erotic fan fiction. At last count, titles surrounding the make-believe carnal exploits of Soberoff were numbering in the hundreds with downloads nearing 26 million. "This is frankly unheard of unless there are vampires or clown pegging involved in the story." commented DigiBook Digest editor-in-chief Paula Scoggins. "I mean sure, we had a nice burst back in the mid 2000's with Wolf Bliltzer BDSM stuff, Rachel Maddow domestic goddess fantasies; and of course, Anderson Cooper fetish specialty titles are a perennial, but this is something entirely different." continued Scoggins.
The most popular title Chasing Delegate - an erotic Tale is a fantastically lurid reimagining of Soberoff's "galavanting about the country filing reports and filling holes at each and every caucus and primary locale during 2016 primary season". The book's author, Buzzfeed associate editor and first-time erotica novelist, Misty Dawn recalls seeing him for the first time during MSNBC coverage of the Iowa Caucus. "I was doing a Tuesday night happy hour with friends and I saw him on TV - no sound - but he just leaked this boyish sex appeal that literally turned me on so hard, my friends noticed my nipples through my sweater." Sheepishly admitted Dawn. "My best friend looked at the screen and agreed with me 'it's usually the cute skinny guys that are hung AF too.' Right there I went home and wrote six chapters and published it by Sunday night."
At press time, both Soberoff and MSNBC have declined to comment.
The Viva Chuck Todd staff fell in love with this austere orchestral siren song in 2008, and our hearts still fill with patriotic pride and excitement when we hear it today. The chords that heralded a poll closing or significant electoral news can now be loaded onto your iPhone for free and assigned to a number deserving of the same music that announces the arcane bestowing of delegates.
Download mp3 (PC, Android, Winphone) - Right Mouse>Save As... / Android - Hold long
no copyright infringement intended
HOLLYWOOD - In a surprising development to political junkies and film lovers alike, the rumored Turner Classic Movie deal to poach Hardball host Chris Matthews fell through today.
Rumors were swirling that MSNBC political commentator and elder statesman of the DC chattering class was about to jump ship over to TCM to provide the insightful and warm introduction to classic films during TCM's 31 Days of Oscar 2017. But late Wednesday, Variety reported that talks had ceased with unusual swiftness. Many applauded the decision to bring Matthews onboard giving to his penchant for inserting completely unnecessary cinematic bon mots into political commentary. His wide appeal and cursory film knowledge that has frequently rendered several Hardball guests speechless made perfect sense when taking into account that over 37% of current TCM viewership will simply pass away before the Holidays and new viewers are needed.
But that strategy hit a wall according to one anonymous and exasperated source close to the negotiations. "There only so many goddamn Luca Brasi or Officer Krupke references that you can shoehorn into a discussion."
Early this morning, TCM issued a brief statement: "While we felt Chris' passion for film was a perfect addition to the TCM family, we now realize that educating the MSNBC viewer of Spencer Tracy, Sophia Loren and the 1980 Ted Kennedy presidential run is his true calling."
"I feel like Captain Kirk sometimes and you're Mr. Spock."
Cinco de Mayo 2008 was the day Viva Chuck Todd was born.
It was an episode of Hardball where Chuck was giving Uncle Chris the lowdown on some minor upcoming primaries and subtly letting viewers in that he did not believe Senator Hillary Clinton had a viable path to the nomination. His delivery was crisp, brief and understandable. This was a cat that knew of what he speaks. It wasn't so much the segment content that hooked us, but the intro by Matthews. He was obviously a big fan of The Chuck, but it was a comparison so bombastic that literally caused us to shoot up from our Herman Miller chairs in disbelief.
"I feel like Captain Kirk sometimes and you're Mr. Spock."
That ladies and gentlemen was the magic moment the muse kicked us in the ass and demanded some comedic counterpoint. Two days later the site was live and the following post appeared.
"I feel like Captain Kirk sometimes and you're Mr. Spock."
That's what Chris Matthews said as an introduction bringing Todd into the discussion of the North Carolina/Indiana primaries. I would like to point out that this was a prime example of Mr. Matthews frequent delusions of grandeur and hackneyed pop culture references. To further elucidate, Chris Matthews could never be Kirk to Todd's Spock for the following reasons:
Matthews in his wildest fantasies would never be able to take down a Gorn - Todd could, no problem
Todd looks way better in mustard-colored lycra long sleeve Federation t-shirts than Matthews ever could (even after the bout with Malaria)
Kirk got the chicks - need I say more?
May 7th at 11:27 PM
SAN DIEGO - Did any of you really think The Viva Chuck Todd staff could sit out the 2016 election season? If you're like us, you've spent the past months looking forward to Tuesday night primary coverage on MSNBC like Game of Thrones season finales.
And now, Trump has his 1237 delegates, Sanders is still yelling at Hillary to get off his lawn and The Chuck is where he rightfully belongs: lording over the MTP brand and swinging his command of politics like Thor's hammer. The temptation to pull off the tarp and fire up the political smartass engine was too much. So here we are - new site, new journalists and a new Chuck.
Here are some of the latest posts:
- MTP: The Chuck Chats It Up With Fmr. Sec. Hillary Clinton
- MSNBC Struggles In Dealing With Explosion Of Jacob Soboroff Erotic Fan Fiction
- Jonathan Capehart Gets Engaged!
- Give These Four Women Their Own Damn Show Now
- DECISION 2016 Ringtone Now Available
One of the things that made the original Viva Chuck Todd such an unmitigated blast was the feedback and contributions from our beloved readers. Social media is a far different animal than it was in 2008. That said, we look forward to even more interaction on Facebook and Twitter with fans of the best cable news network in making Viva Chuck Todd better than it ever was.
Rest assured, it will still be just as ridiculous and spiral off in whacked and unforeseen directions. We'll have fun with the new faces and of course, spend a great deal of "ink" on Rachel Maddow, the Morning Joe crew, Jonathan Capehart and old friends in the ever-growing underrated MSNBC universe.
Nobody got sued last time, so let try this again.
Welcome back Chuckolytes.